Jan
24

How To Get Rid of Your Roommate

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Are you and your roommate not getting along?  Are you wishing that you made a wiser choice of living companions, and counting down the days until your lease is up? Well, here’s some advice on how to get your roommate out the door as soon as possible.

 

1 – Leave your laundry all over the floor; never put anything in the hamper. Wait until you have nothing left to wear to wash it and then hang everything to dry throughout your room. If your roommate asks, say you didn’t want to waste the quarters on the dryer.

2 – Constantly complain that the room smells, while looking at your roommate’s side of the room. Dig out the Febreeze or perfume and spray just his or her side once a day.

3 – Talk in your loud voice all the time. Don’t yell, just talk with lots of exuberance. It will get on his or her nerves.

4 – Develop an undiagnosed hearing problem. Count to five when your roommate talks before you start listening and ask your roommate to repeat himself or herself at least twice.

5- Play music all the time, especially when your roommate is watching TV. Claim that you can’t focus without it.

6- Ask him or her, “What is that noise?” After your roommate listens and can’t hear anything say, “It must have stopped.” Wait five minutes and ask again.

7- Insist that you can’t fall asleep without the TV (or with it if your roommate prefers it). Make sure you put on a channel with infomercials.

8- Redecorate your room with your roommate’s least favorite color. When he or she sees it, tell your roommate that you knew it was his or her favorite and you did it just him or her.

9- Bake a chocolate cake, and after they eat a couple bites, start talking about the great recipe you used from you grandmother. You know the one that uses mayonnaise instead of eggs and vegetable oil. (Note: it might be better to use a vegan recipe that uses beans).

10-Develop a clear sense of style and organization. Arrange knickknacks and other fun toys all over your half of the room. Every day, accuse your roommate of moving something, and throw a fit about how he or she doesn’t respect your belongings.

11- Have friends over all the time, but refuse to introduce your roommate to them. If an introduction becomes unavoidable pick one thing that might embarrass them and use it. (i.e. “This is Katie. She’s failing chemistry.)

12- Sneak dirty dishes into your roommate’s pile so that they have to wash them. If he or she realizes what you’re doing deny it.

If you’ve ever had a roommate do something like this, tell us about it on Facebook.