The Boyfriend that Never Leaves

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Your roommate is in L-O-V-E.

She and her boyfriend are inseparable. They spend almost every second they’re not in class hanging out together, and that means they’re both spending a lot of time in your dorm room.

At first it wasn’t an issue. They were cute together and you like seeing your roommate so happy. Besides it’s not like her boyfriends is a bad guy, he’s actually really nice. So when your roommate asked if you were okay with him hanging out, you told her that you were fine with it. It was totally not an issue.

But now, just a few weeks later, his constant presence is starting to get old.

The guy is always in your room. Even when your roommate isn’t there, he’s still sprawled across her bed.  He leaves his stuff all over the dorm, he almost never washes his dishes or takes out the trash, he sleeps at the oddest times, and he watches the most boring television at a deafening volume.

You can’t focus with him there, and you definitely can’t relax. You have to change in the community bathroom down the hall and wear extra layers at night.

You want to say something, but you know your roommate will get upset the second you bring up the topic. After all, you did say it was okay originally. You also don’t want to go to the RA with the issue; she’s your friend, the last thing you want to do is get her in trouble.

But here’s the thing.

The situation is probably going to get worse unless you do something about it. The longer you suffer in silence, the more resentful you will become, and feeling resentment towards your roommate is never a good thing.

So, face the situation directly. Talk to your roommate. Yes, the conversation will be stressful, but at this point it’s unavoidable. Tell her that her boyfriend is spending a little too much time in your dorm, and you need a little more privacy. Point out that you don’t care if he comes over sometimes, as long it’s not as frequently. After all, if your roommate was understanding enough to ask your permission she’ll probably respect your wishes.

If talking doesn’t work than speaking with your RA might actually be a good idea. Yes, she might get in trouble; most universities have policies about guests in your dorm room, and if she is violating these rules your RA has a responsibility to do something about it. But either way, your RA will be able to help you work through the situation in a (hopefully) positive way. And if discussing the issue with her didn’t make the situation any better than you need to do something. There is no reason for you to be miserable.

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